This post is for me but you can read it if you like.
I was having trouble writing my post tonight when it occurred to me; images are easier than words right now. It wasn’t always the case. Three months ago, I lived in sunshine with grass and trees and butterflies. I wore yellow and white and blue. I was happier and well on my way to realizing the future I’ve always wanted for myself. I felt important, wanted, and worthy.
Logic tells me I am still all of these things but we all know how seldom thoughts and feelings align.
I fought as hard as I could. Said everything I could say, feeling like nothing so much as a fish flopping on the beach, thrashing uselessly in the face of an inevitable future.
This isn’t what I want. I don’t like feeling weak when every day is a struggle to hold my line in the sand. But it is what it is. All I can do is hold onto what I believe and hope. It’s all any of us can do.
Love is a victory.
It shows us that the world is not pointless and cruel.
It’s a reason to get up in the morning and get dressed.
A reason to go Outside and face the monsters.
A reason to come home at the end of a long, stupid day.
It’s the candle burning in the window at night.
These are my words, no less true tonight than they were when I wrote them. I’m writing here because this has to come out and the last thing I want is to burden anyone with this mood during a time when things are hard enough. Also, it’s my blog and I can do what I want ( 🙂 ).
Maybe I’m not the only one that’s hurting, though. Maybe you’re reading this now, aching for any number of reasons. Maybe it helps to know you aren’t alone in sadness. There’s no need to pretend you’re okay. There are no smiles that aren’t sweeter for the tears that came before.
~ Portia ~
-LaViere- Natasha/PaleBlonde (Marketplace Store)
*League* Vintage Heart Necklace
The Light: Cheeky Pea